Financial Giggles Gifts

"I'd like a job filled with adventure where there'd be a good chance of claiming compensation."

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

'Till debt do us part...'

"The company only made a profit of $2 billion. So that raise you requested will have to wait."

Dog Beginning For A Loan

'My Dad won't let me tell what I did on my summer vacation...he doesn't want anyone to know where he set up his offshore bank accounts.'

'It's a deal, for $15 an hour, I'll stand in front of your office.'

'our chances seemed pretty good until you lighted that 20.'

'Can you get me in touch with people that own me money?'

'I've heard of cooking the books... but how did you rotisserie them and why?'

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

'Once upon a time, in a faraway land with a budget surplus...'

Visit to the Bank Manager, "Marrying my daughter isn't the sort of security I had in mind, Harry!"

'You've got hopelessness and despair until 3:25, at which time your survival instincts are scheduled to kick in.'

'After reaching new heights, the stock market closed early due to an oubreak of acrophobia.'

'Yes...our chief analyst is recommending further investments in the new year.'

"Time for thaw awkward father son talk. You know, the one about fluctuating interest rates and instability in the markets."

'You overpaid, but it's not enough to cover the 'Overpayment Surcharge Tax'.'

It's a joint loan, but don't tell my husband.

'Maybe so, sir, but our motto is, 'A penny saved is a lot of trouble for nothing.''

"I think I finally understand inflation."

Coudl I go to jail for something I didn't do? I didn't pay my income tax!

"You can't lend me the £100 I asked for, only £70? Don't worry, you can own me the rest."

More toxic assets.

'Sorry, I've some bad news about your nest egg.'

"It's all very well being healed, but that mobility scooter cost a fortune."

"I'm sorry, Mr Weinstock can't see you at the moment - he's on the run."

"I've crunched the numbers in your retirement account. It's time to figure out who will be wearing the mask and who will be driving the getaway car."

"Must you do that every time I say interest rates are bound to rise?"

'Today, a downturn in 'social conscience' stocks on news that 'nice guys finish last'.'

"Here's the sick squid I owe you. . ."

Cupid views his online credit rating.

'Could you please hurry, Teller, I need to make a deposit, and quickly.'