Financial Whimsy Gifts

'Once upon a time, in a faraway land with a budget surplus...'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

"For my next trick, I shall turn four consecutive quarters of losses into a positive outlook going forward."

"Your stork analyst is here, sir."

School of Wizardry and Creative Accounting.

Man feeding fish banks with money, not food.

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

"The company only made a profit of $2 billion. So that raise you requested will have to wait."

'Till debt do us part...'

'My Dad won't let me tell what I did on my summer vacation...he doesn't want anyone to know where he set up his offshore bank accounts.'

'I've heard of cooking the books... but how did you rotisserie them and why?'

Dog Beginning For A Loan

'Can you get me in touch with people that own me money?'

'our chances seemed pretty good until you lighted that 20.'

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

"I'd like a job filled with adventure where there'd be a good chance of claiming compensation."

Visit to the Bank Manager, "Marrying my daughter isn't the sort of security I had in mind, Harry!"

'You've got hopelessness and despair until 3:25, at which time your survival instincts are scheduled to kick in.'

'After reaching new heights, the stock market closed early due to an oubreak of acrophobia.'

"I drive to work every day. Those are business trips, aren't they?"

'You overpaid, but it's not enough to cover the 'Overpayment Surcharge Tax'.'

"Time for thaw awkward father son talk. You know, the one about fluctuating interest rates and instability in the markets."

"I'm sorry, Mr Weinstock can't see you at the moment - he's on the run."

"It's all very well being healed, but that mobility scooter cost a fortune."

Coudl I go to jail for something I didn't do? I didn't pay my income tax!

"You can't lend me the £100 I asked for, only £70? Don't worry, you can own me the rest."

More toxic assets.

'Maybe so, sir, but our motto is, 'A penny saved is a lot of trouble for nothing.''

It's a joint loan, but don't tell my husband.

"I think I finally understand inflation."

"I've crunched the numbers in your retirement account. It's time to figure out who will be wearing the mask and who will be driving the getaway car."

"Must you do that every time I say interest rates are bound to rise?"

'Today, a downturn in 'social conscience' stocks on news that 'nice guys finish last'.'