Banking Bemusement Gifts

Cash Point - Pin Number?

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

"Sorry, but you're a loan risk."

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

Secret Identity Theft.

Screw up Assange's finances and I'm closing my accounts.

'I'd like to apply for a job as a predatory lender.'

'I need a loan or a bailout so I can evolve,'

'Contract? No contract. We do all our business with nothing more than a handshake.'

"There's a $2.00 service fee for that friendly greeting."

'If you're opening a joint account, Dr. Jekyll, the other account holder has to be here to sign.'

'There's a five dollar discrepancy in my bank balance. Would you mind if I counted the money?'

'I suppose a loan to send them to summer camp could be called a home improvement loan.'

"Sorry, but we're only accepting deposits at this time."

Harvest Data Festival

'A rogue nation robbed the World Bank!'

'Sorry. We've had to close your 'chicken' account ma'am. Everything you write bounces.'

'You hold no authority that will allow you passage, and are ignorant of the magic password ... can you at LEAST tell me your mother's maiden name?'

"The Bank has returned the rent cheque marked 'Insufficient funds', but it doesn't say whether that's them or us!"

Cashier for Decoration Purposes Only

Full Service ATM: "Do you want fries with that?"

"The Good Lord is an excellent reference, but without a phone number..."

"Hands up!"

PANIC!

"And do you have any other form of security against a loan other than this 'Good times are coming' horoscope?"

'I'm afraid you'll have to get this hold-up note initialled at our withdrawals counter.'

'You built this with our venture capital. Now we would like our 60%.'

'Sir, the drive-thru window is on the other side of the building.'

'Oh no! They've turned my internet bank into a bar...'

"Once upon a time there was a kind old bank that did not charge its customers a fee."

'Well £60 million is LESS than I'm used to...but now that we've agreed my bonus, what working capital will the Bank have?'

"Collateral? How about I teach you what ties to avoid?"

'Sorry, we don't make loans.'

I'm thinking of taking the next step and becoming a snail...what mortgages have you got to offer?