Finance Funster Gifts

"Dad, the dean has gone over your financial statement, and he doesn't think you're working up to your full potential."

'But the only way I can explain our derivatives and stock swaps is through interpretive dance!'

"If I apply for early Social Security, I get this. If I wait until I only have one life left, I get this."

"Don't feel bad. Even I don't understand me."

'The lines of communication are open. The lines of credit are not.'

"I think I'm just going to sit this recession out."

'In order to fund your deferred compensation, we won't be paying you any salary.'

'I'm looking for a temp job to fill the gap between my indictment and incarceration.'

'Looks like your recovery has been slowed by a diet rich in Greece, followed by a bout of gas problems. Continue to take your QE and call me next quarter.'

'Oh yeah?! Well, my dad's credit score is better than your dad's!'

'I thought we alread got this month's phone bill.' 'We did - this is volume 2.'

'It stands for, 'Rock, Paper, Scissors'.'

'One day son, all of this will be yours.'

Accountant working with computer program thinks to self: 'Let's just round this column off to the nearest nickel.' Caption: 'Rebel Accountant'

'You're an accountant, right? Well, you're suffering from depreciation.'

'Why do you think I'm a predatory lender?'

'And finally, a steady decline in earnings has forced us to trim the presentations budget.'

Spent it on all the best investment advisors money can buy

'I received your cheque twice, once from you and once from the bank.'

'The Nobel prize for medicine was awarded to Dr. Quentin R. Owlsey, who developed an anesthetic that leaves patients capable of writing checks.'

'Today's surprise stock rise was not in reaction to anything. It was entirely unprovoked and spontaneous!'

Accountant Juggler

"This charge is for your monthly service fee and this charge is because you didn't have it."

'What if I don't spend it all? What's your return policy?'

"We need 80% of our pre-retirement income for retirement."

"Sayyyyy... Do you know anything about budgets?"

A Balanced Portfolio Chorus Line

Trust fund trust fall.

'Oh, wait. There's a note. It says; Fill her up with euros.'

Bank Fees - A claw comes out of the cash machine and pinches a customers wallet.

Bob just saw the bills... he's in the panic room.

'I want to make a withdrawal from our joint account. . .From my wife's half.'

'Let the fed bait you out!'

'That one is for folding money.'

'I wouldn't wait too long, for a limited time banks are offering low interest loans on coronary bypass surgery.'