Finance Funster Gifts

"Dad, the dean has gone over your financial statement, and he doesn't think you're working up to your full potential."

'But the only way I can explain our derivatives and stock swaps is through interpretive dance!'

"Don't feel bad. Even I don't understand me."

"If I apply for early Social Security, I get this. If I wait until I only have one life left, I get this."

'The lines of communication are open. The lines of credit are not.'

"I think I'm just going to sit this recession out."

'In order to fund your deferred compensation, we won't be paying you any salary.'

'I'm looking for a temp job to fill the gap between my indictment and incarceration.'

'Pay bills, stick to a budget, plan ahead.'

'I thought we alread got this month's phone bill.' 'We did - this is volume 2.'

'One day son, all of this will be yours.'

Accountant working with computer program thinks to self: 'Let's just round this column off to the nearest nickel.' Caption: 'Rebel Accountant'

'Oh yeah?! Well, my dad's credit score is better than your dad's!'

'Looks like your recovery has been slowed by a diet rich in Greece, followed by a bout of gas problems. Continue to take your QE and call me next quarter.'

'It stands for, 'Rock, Paper, Scissors'.'

Accountant Juggler

'I received your cheque twice, once from you and once from the bank.'

"This charge is for your monthly service fee and this charge is because you didn't have it."

'You're an accountant, right? Well, you're suffering from depreciation.'

'What if I don't spend it all? What's your return policy?'

'Why do you think I'm a predatory lender?'

'The Nobel prize for medicine was awarded to Dr. Quentin R. Owlsey, who developed an anesthetic that leaves patients capable of writing checks.'

"We need 80% of our pre-retirement income for retirement."

Spent it on all the best investment advisors money can buy

'And finally, a steady decline in earnings has forced us to trim the presentations budget.'

'Today's surprise stock rise was not in reaction to anything. It was entirely unprovoked and spontaneous!'

'Oh, wait. There's a note. It says; Fill her up with euros.'

Trust fund trust fall.

'It takes great courage of conviction to know you're wrong, yet still proceed forward.'

'Our investment strategy? We reuse plastic forks.'

Would you like a tissue - they're 24p plus VAT.

'As you can see, we've been recapitalized.'

"Sayyyyy... Do you know anything about budgets?"

'Stocks fell on the news that whatever can go wrong, usually does go wrong.'

'I wouldn't wait too long, for a limited time banks are offering low interest loans on coronary bypass surgery.'