Financial Faker Pillows

"Rest assured we invest your money as if it were our own. Can I borrow 50 bucks?"

'You're close, Spencer, but usually a business plan is a little more involved!'

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

'I love it when you say - 'I'm going to print money'.'

Propping up a profits chart.

"Let's vote. All those in favour of flying to Switzerland, withdrawing our secret bank account and splitting?"

10 Days Without an Interest Rate Change

'Don't panic, folks! It's red ink, not blood!

"This place has a water view if you're looking at the mortgage."

"Goodbye cruel world."

Mono-Tasking, Multi-Tasking, No-No Tasking and Nada Tasking.

"Times are perfect for us masochists!..."

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

'The increased child tax credit is supposed to stimulate the economy...so how about a raise in my allowance?'

Ten business commandments, city trading floor

'That's much better.'

"I'm in here...reallocating Dad's retirement account into junk bonds."

People often have us confused with investment bankers. We loot and plunder, leaving a mess wherever we go, and when there are complaints we claim endangered species status.

'You call it a beer belly, I prefer to think of it as a lump sum settlement of liquid assets.'

'I wonder if I can declare you as dependents on my income taxes?'

"He put the 'fun' in funding."

What's 'Bitcoin'?

"By now, you've probably noticed that around here, money talks and you-know-what walks!"

"I hate it when he makes snow angels in his bonus."

Investments: Still Open to New Investors - 'A fool & his money fund.'

'I pretended to be religious to get a place at this convent.'

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."

"Tag! Your salary's frozen."

'I need you to reassure the investors. Can you keep a straight face?'

"I'm afraid we don't offer student loans to elementary school pupils."

"We try to inject a little humor in our statements, but you should take them seriously."

"We've isolated your disease, Mrs. Grosenik. We can proceed as soon as we isolate your checkbook."