Financial Farce Fan Pillows

'When you give the annual report, sir, can you slip in a bit of faux honesty?'

'Now that I have your attention...'

Loan Alley

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

Bingo! Credit card number!! The real reason raccoons like garbage.

Jumping Wall Street.

'I wonder how the economy is doing.'

"I don't consider a missing four million dollars to be 'monkeyshines'."

Greek Crisis

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

IRS: The country is broke, but your taxes cannot be construed as 'Charity to the Poor'.

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

'In today's market news, losers outnumbered those who were wiped out.'

Golden bubbles

"Sure, it may be great for us, but it's hell on the markets."

'Money, that's what seperates us from the apes.'

'We've had a marginal advance-decline on a near-term buy-out, but no one knows if that translates as a downturn or an up-tick.'

News and Magazines. Record Debt. Dollar Down. How can the dollar be weak when we've been giving it such a good workout?

Black hole-in-the-wall at Jodrell Bank

'It's a deal, for $15 an hour, I'll stand in front of your office.'

'I called you in here because your expenses and contributions appear to be quite elaborate!'

Department of Unrealistic Dividend Earnings: 'We realize it is an unnecessary department but the acronym was just too cool to shut it down.'

'You won't feel a thing. We make a small incision in your wallet and...'

"Well, I guess the bubble has burst over at Phillips Rodny Associates."

'I need a loan or a bailout so I can evolve,'

"We've made such good progress with your stress management levels, that I feel able to risk a small setback."

Ace Borrowing Company (formerly Ace Loan Company)

Credit card campaign ad

"In this company, GDP stands for gree, deception and profit."

'Can I help? You bet your bottom dollar I can.'

"Will the current economic trend end in a whimper or a bang? For answers, let's turn to tonight's guests!"

The Apprentice: Recession Special.

IRS. That was a rough audit. They disallowed all of my deductions! You can't claim all these people as dependents ... The business expenses are not correct ... and the charitable contributions don't meet guidelines. You're shredding my return with that?! Wow! Ut was The Taxes Chainsaw Massacre!