Financial Fairy Gifts

All I want for Christmas is a modest recovery in the GDP, along with expectations that the year-over-year growth rate will significantly improve in 2014.'

'You're close, Spencer, but usually a business plan is a little more involved!'

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

"Unfortunately Daddy already owes the government about 500,000 Pokemon cards."

Three businessmen using a pulley system to change a graph

Piggy bank #5: carrying (colour).

Sub-prime Bear

"For my next trick, I shall turn four consecutive quarters of losses into a positive outlook going forward."

'Well, maybe upteen zillion was too general a cost estimate.'

'I love it when you say - 'I'm going to print money'.'

Wall Street Money Never Sleeps. They've obviously never seen my investment portfolio.

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

"Tell me the fairytale about the economy."

10 Days Without an Interest Rate Change

'Can Mr. Sloan call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"Goodbye cruel world."

'Don't panic, folks! It's red ink, not blood!

'The prince and the princess lived happily ever after on their profits from capital-appreciation funds.'

"This place has a water view if you're looking at the mortgage."

"Times are perfect for us masochists!..."

Ten business commandments, city trading floor

'That's much better.'

What's 'Bitcoin'?

'I wonder if I can declare you as dependents on my income taxes?'

"He put the 'fun' in funding."

"I hate it when he makes snow angels in his bonus."

"Don't forget, the market will take a sharp downturn on the stroke of midnight."

Investments: Still Open to New Investors - 'A fool & his money fund.'

"By now, you've probably noticed that around here, money talks and you-know-what walks!"

Sale. Grocery. Finland is the most populous nation on earth. Time to sell my stock portfolio --- a "market correction" is coming.

Colloso-Corp. Do you want our "generally accepted accounting practices" to show a profit or loss last quarter? (Published previously on Feb. 13, 2002.)

"Our firm doesn't have any money problems to speak of. Just lack of money problems."

Student Loan Shark

Is this money for booze?

'That's all for now. We'll find out if our hero emerges from Chapter 11 tomorrow.'