Financial Fairy Tale Fan Gifts

"I wish I was less gullible when it comes to money."

Business Fairy Tales.

'Another golden egg Mr. Goose! At this rate you'll be a millionaire soon!'

'The prince and the princess lived happily ever after on their profits from capital-appreciation funds.'

Sub-prime Bear

"Your resume's very impressive, but we're looking for a financial wizard."

All I want for Christmas is a modest recovery in the GDP, along with expectations that the year-over-year growth rate will significantly improve in 2014.'

'And all the executive board members got lovely big payouts and lived happily ever after!'

'And then the bad man from the Securities and Exchange Commission and I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house down!'

"Good morning - I'm from your bank. We'd like our house back please!"

"Don't forget, the market will take a sharp downturn on the stroke of midnight."

'...but then the Dow rallied and the blue chips began to rise...'

Make Your Portfolio BEARable.

'That's all for now. We'll find out if our hero emerges from Chapter 11 tomorrow.'

"The stock market hit 50,000 and everyone lived happily ever after."

"What should you do? Here's what you should do: invent a time machine, go back sixteen months, and convert everything to cash."

'I don't know where he's getting it from, but it happens every time I ask him to fetch my slippers.'

"Once upon a time there was a kind old bank that did not charge its customers a fee."

'My wife left me and I lost my fortune. Well, not in this order.'

Symbols of Wall St.

At a creative writing workshop for accountants.

Accounts: Kill Bills.

Bad cat - Credit Card.

"That's Jack from accounting. He's a magic bean counter."

'How to profit from a financial meltdown.'

'I'm sorry my Queen, but Snow White also has a much healthier portfolio than you do.'

'Ever wonder how you're going to pay off your school loan?'

A accountant is here to see you...

'I remember when all this was banks...'

'So the stock market hit 12,000 and everyone lived happily ever after.'

'Is there any point in the little piggy going to market?'

"Nobody's giving you the push, darling, it's just that the present market dictates that I sell my assets."

"Sounds good, but what do I have to put up as collateral?"

'No prince meets princess, prince saves princess and they live happily ever after again. Read me something about mutual funds and IRAs.'

'You used to be an investment consultant, Fred -- what should I do with this quarter I found?'