Financial Comedy Pillows

'I'm Robin Hood. I take from the rich and I give to the poor, the I.R.S. and my two ex-wives.'

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

Money Bar.

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

Bingo! Credit card number!! The real reason raccoons like garbage.

'This is our golden anniversary. Let's invest in gold.'

But under a different accounting convention ...

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

'You've been pre-approved for another credit card.'

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

Yes, they are all dependants."

'Mr. Hickey really knows how to keep our stockholders meetings short and sweet!'

The Euro - R.I.P.

'As part of our alternative budget management strategy we've got Tim on 'Hail Marys' in here and Geoff sacrificing a goat to Woden next door!'

You invested in Facebook?! How could you? That bugs you? You, of all people, are mad that the FTC is suing Meta Platforms in an antitrust case? No, I mean how can you afford to invest? If you can afford to buy stock, then I pay you way too much. It was only $40! Quiet, I'm calculating your pay cut.

White Collar Crime.

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

"I have the profit sharing figures. You owe the company �2,367.25."

'Sorry, folks! The CEO and Board of Directors didn't show up.'

"The margin of error is plus or minus one hundred percent."

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

'That's it gentlemen, we're broke. Anybody know any good jokes?'