Financial Blues Band Gifts

John Lee Dotkomm palys the 'Broker's Blues

'Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.'

'That concludes the annual report, I will now fend off questions from the stockholders.'

Business is a game.

"Humpty Dumpty had a great fall? Was he invested in emerging markets?"

Bank Cuts Jobs. . . Employees in Need!

'Right you've got 30 minutes...start squeezing.'

'I can understand Heisenberg's equation and Schrodinger's equation for quantum mechanics but I cannot understand derivative trading.'

"He was expecting a golden handshake."

"So what else can we get our customers to do online themselves and charge them for it?"

"It's a profit and loss statement. Read it with gusto!"

City & Western.

US Economy Boat.

Wal-Mart Bank of Canada.

'I had to co-pay for the bagel.'

"Our clients like their accountants to use their 'imagination', but most would still prefer their returns in a spreadsheet."

'Ask your doctor if investing in the market is right for you.'

'My attorney will explain why calling it a 'bear market' makes me a victim of profiling.'

"I wanted to pay my tax with a smile...but the inland revenue insisted I gave them cash."

My next song is for all of you with unbalanced portfolios...

'A job like that would drive me bananas.'

"Keeping all your money in a cigar box is not wise. You should keep it in a coffee can hidden behind the TV, like me!"

'From the neck up, I worry about credit card debt. From the neck down I worry about fat debt.'

'You mean we're not bankrupt?'

Burning bills

'I'm Robin Hood. I take from the rich and I give to the poor, the I.R.S. and my two ex-wives.'

'Let's just round this column off to the nearest nickel.'

"I won't be able to handle your account anymore, as it suddenly appears that you're a small investor.'

"And now the winner for 'most creative tax loophole'..."

"Great News! We're finally on the Big Board."

'No one trades more pork belly futures than Cogswell.'

"This next song is about one of life's toughest choices. It's called, 'Equities or Debt Securities, I Just Don't Freakin' Know!'...and a one, and a two..."

"This song is for anyone who has ever loved and lost in the market."

Merrill Lynch, Pierce, Fenner & Smith & Mick Jagger

'Deal Done! He advised me to go into Bradford and Bingley in the first place!'