Budget Blues Gifts

"...I got up this mornin', and had the blues - couldn't afford your prescription for anti-depressants!"

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'Going...Going...Gone! Sold to the lady with more money than sense.'

"Basically, your new job here at the Treasury Department implementing the bailout is simple, Grayson, just grab and armful of money and run..."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"I just..."

"Hey, honey, the credit card company increased our debt... I mean our credit limit!"

'We're cutting back on our legal expenses and going with the violence instead.'

'Uh oh. I can see another few hundred will be added to your bid.'

'My firm has scrutinised your budget and determined you could save a fortune by sacking us...that'll be £300,000 please!'

Oil shock.

Overdraft limit.

Your tax $ at WAR.

'What if we televise government budget hearings and make them pay-per-view?'

"Hired! You're just what we need in our budget office!"

"I'm at that awkward stage between credit card payments and alimony payments."

'Our expenses have decreased 20 per cent since we started refilling our own ink jet cartridges.'

"I don't mind out of control spending as long as it's on stuff I like."

"There's so much money around now we've started using it as toilet paper."

Osborne's Tax Cuts

'Wait a minute....!

'Please excuse the mess - we've been busy throwing good money after bad!'

'Psst. It's okay in here, but don't go around calling $690 billion 'chump change.''

Celebrity endorsements? I thought you said celibate endorsements. No wonder we're coming in under budget.

"I've been told to go through all our expenses...cut out any fat, get rid of any costly perks!"

How To Cut The Defense Budget

"The government's finance settlement is coming out really late this year!"

'Well, well. You made more money last year than you did the year before -- You people never learn, do you?'