Budget Blues Gifts

"...I got up this mornin', and had the blues - couldn't afford your prescription for anti-depressants!"

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'Going...Going...Gone! Sold to the lady with more money than sense.'

So I'm "cheap." It's a perfectly good word. And it aptly describes my interest in conserving resources. I suppose we could call you "thrifty." Heavens no! And waste two whole letters? I see we've only wasted one whole tea bag.

"Basically, your new job here at the Treasury Department implementing the bailout is simple, Grayson, just grab and armful of money and run..."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"I just..."

"Can you give me a haircut that says, 'If you mess with my budget I'll rip out your soul, wring it like a dish towel, and drink it from a teacup'?"

Budget Bureau. Ernie, spilling something from every food group on it, does not make it a "balanced" budget!

"Hey, honey, the credit card company increased our debt... I mean our credit limit!"

Occupy Budget Balancing

"This is crazy! We've been here only 10 minutes, we've spent all our money, and we've got nothing to show for it!"

'We're cutting back on our legal expenses and going with the violence instead.'

'My firm has scrutinised your budget and determined you could save a fortune by sacking us...that'll be £300,000 please!'

'Uh oh. I can see another few hundred will be added to your bid.'

"I'm at that awkward stage between credit card payments and alimony payments."

Overdraft limit.

Oil shock.

Horror Theater. Now Playing. Return of the Deficit.

Your tax $ at WAR.

Yes, dear, I remembered the coupons and saved a few dollars. The Adventures of Marriedman.

"Hired! You're just what we need in our budget office!"

'What if we televise government budget hearings and make them pay-per-view?'

'Our expenses have decreased 20 per cent since we started refilling our own ink jet cartridges.'

"I don't mind out of control spending as long as it's on stuff I like."

"There's so much money around now we've started using it as toilet paper."

Osborne's Tax Cuts

'Please excuse the mess - we've been busy throwing good money after bad!'

'Wait a minute....!

How To Cut The Defense Budget

"They're spelt differently!"

Celebrity endorsements? I thought you said celibate endorsements. No wonder we're coming in under budget.

'Psst. It's okay in here, but don't go around calling $690 billion 'chump change.''

"I've been told to go through all our expenses...cut out any fat, get rid of any costly perks!"