Budget Critique Enthusiast Gifts

'On a POSITIVE note the leaflet we have outlining the services we can't provide is published in 37 different languages!'

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

'You have to reconcile your gross habits with your net income.'

'We are entering an era of thrift, so in place of champagne and canapes, there will be a jumble sale.'

'What's the smallest budget you can manage on?' 'The most you can give me!'

'And this is my strategic money reserve.'

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

DIY marriage counseling.

'Let's go home and come back next year. It's Ground Hog Deficit!'

'They never quite finished it - it was probably over budget.'

"I hate check writing, but, hey, it pays the bills."

'My husband thought he could save money by repairing it himself.'

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

The spend is high

The ways and means committee reaches the tipping point.

'In a cost-saving move, I've replaced your cubicle with a back pack.'

"Rumours of a crisis in the NHS are groundless...Spending is up by 2%, management ratios down by 62%..."

'I like the jib of their cuts.'

"It's our latest targets...We have to do twice as much with half the stuff in a quarter of the time!"

'My pay envelope is empty.' - 'Your deductions equal your salary'

'The attack will have to wait until tomorrow Congressman. Today is furlough day. . .'

"Post-holiday dieting will be much easier this year. Our disposable cash flow will be diverted."

US Deficit

'I want to return this wallet. I can't seem to keep any money in it.'

"I'm afraid your allowance didn't survive the latest round of budget cuts."

Family planning - 'I was thinking something low maintenance.'

"Strategic plan B: We chop down all the office plants and grow vegetables."

"Could you hold off clipping your coupons until I've finished reading the paper?"

'Before we unload him, he'd like a written price support.'

Bureau of Spending Decreases and Deficit Reduction - 'Wait a minute! How can that be?'

'I think we should budget on the number of budgets we draw up'

'Well, you're bankrupt, but look on the bright side -- it only cost you eight dollars per transaction!'

Piggy Bank reads 'How to Manage Your Money.'

Doctor to man: 'You'll need to empty your pockets. For symbolic purposes, let's start with your wallet.'