Budgeting Enthusiast Gifts

"Strategic plan B: We chop down all the office plants and grow vegetables."

"Oh, Honey - our first bankruptcy!"

Gordon Brown

'So far, so good ? I've got our budget all balanced except for food, clothing, and shelter!'

'We were just keeping up with the Joneses. How was I supposed to know the Joneses were keeping up with the Rockefellers?'

'I'm afraid at times like this with overstretched budgets we all have to make sacrifices.'

"Right now we're at a budget impasse. I maintain that you provide an essential service, and my wife feels that you do not."

'You can come out now. I promise not to use the word budget again.'

'The test results are in. We suggest you go home and discuss the treatment options with you accountant.'

'We exchanged our disposable income for disposable diapers.'

'You have to reconcile your gross habits with your net income.'

'Thanks to our new firefly lamps, we've lowered our power bill by 64 percent!'

The Sacrifice of Local Authorities

'Never saw it coming.'

'It doesn't matter when we schedule your surgery, Mrs. Root. We don't accept coupons.'

'In a cost-saving move, I've replaced your cubicle with a back pack.'

'This is interesting -- We've now spent more on ATM fees than we did on our first house.'

Cut Your Bills In Half.

'She just said her first words...What an enormous budget deficit.'

Bureau of Spending Decreases and Deficit Reduction - 'Wait a minute! How can that be?'

'Appropriation Committee'

Customer cuts cord of cash register as worker checks groceries.

'He's decided not to have a mid life crisis-he thinks it could be too expensive.'

"If it'll make you feel any better - we're more in the black than General Motors."

'But it costs me at least £15,000 to live.' - 'Don't pay it, it's not worth it.'

'Every time my wife makes a move for the check book I get motion sickness.'

'Of course I can tell you what I spent all that grocery money on. I spent it on a grocery.'

'I can't afford a vasectomy, Doctor! I have ten kids to feed.'

Line one is my fixed income, line two is my fixes expenses, and the difference is the fix I'm in.

'Unfortunately, a penny saved is subject to Federal, State and Local taxes.'

"Government guidelines are right... exceeding 30 units a week is bad for your wealth."

'What's the smallest budget you can manage on?' 'The most you can give me!'

'Great! Now I don't even have any walkin-around-bitchin'-about-not-having-any-money, money.'

'I thought it might help our budget if I rented them our backyard.'

"I hate check writing, but, hey, it pays the bills."