Financial Blues Band Pillows

John Lee Dotkomm palys the 'Broker's Blues

'Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.'

'That concludes the annual report, I will now fend off questions from the stockholders.'

Business is a game.

"Humpty Dumpty had a great fall? Was he invested in emerging markets?"

'Right you've got 30 minutes...start squeezing.'

'I can understand Heisenberg's equation and Schrodinger's equation for quantum mechanics but I cannot understand derivative trading.'

"He was expecting a golden handshake."

"It's a profit and loss statement. Read it with gusto!"

City & Western.

US Economy Boat.

'Ask your doctor if investing in the market is right for you.'

"Our clients like their accountants to use their 'imagination', but most would still prefer their returns in a spreadsheet."

'I had to co-pay for the bagel.'

'My attorney will explain why calling it a 'bear market' makes me a victim of profiling.'

"I wanted to pay my tax with a smile...but the inland revenue insisted I gave them cash."

'A job like that would drive me bananas.'

My next song is for all of you with unbalanced portfolios...

Burning bills

'I'm Robin Hood. I take from the rich and I give to the poor, the I.R.S. and my two ex-wives.'

'You mean we're not bankrupt?'

"Keeping all your money in a cigar box is not wise. You should keep it in a coffee can hidden behind the TV, like me!"

'From the neck up, I worry about credit card debt. From the neck down I worry about fat debt.'

'Let's just round this column off to the nearest nickel.'

"I won't be able to handle your account anymore, as it suddenly appears that you're a small investor.'

"Great News! We're finally on the Big Board."

'No one trades more pork belly futures than Cogswell.'

"And now the winner for 'most creative tax loophole'..."

"This song is for anyone who has ever loved and lost in the market."

Merrill Lynch, Pierce, Fenner & Smith & Mick Jagger

Chinese Money

'Deal Done! He advised me to go into Bradford and Bingley in the first place!'