Finance Comedy Lover Pillows

"I have complete confidence that the company will overcome its debt load."

'Our revised plan is to inject live stem cells into the economy to make it grow.'

Jumping Wall Street.

"Today the stock market was quiet - not a single rumour that led to frantic buying or selling."

'Now that I have your attention...'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

Loan Alley

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

Yes, they are all dependants."

'A temporary solution would be to white out this part of the chart.'

'Sorry, folks! The CEO and Board of Directors didn't show up.'

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

'Eureka! I found the gene that causes people to sell low and buy high!'

"Cook the books al dente so the auditor will have a little something to crunch."

"The interest rate can't go any lower, so if necessary, we'll have to go back to pounds of flesh."

'Oh that's weird! i just had a shiver go down my wallet. My wife must have just bought something.'

In case of falling markets break glass.

"I'd like these invested in an aggressive mutual fund."

"Sure, it may be great for us, but it's hell on the markets."

Federal Guidelines

'Money, that's what seperates us from the apes.'

'I consider myself to be a sophisticated investor. I would never invest in penny stocks. I lost all of my money investing with a brokerage specializing in nickel stocks.'

"At least we no longer have the pressure of handling so much money."

Black hole-in-the-wall at Jodrell Bank

'We don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's a tax deduction.'

"Let us pray for the possessed...and the re-possessed"

'Greece is up for auction on eBay - and there's no bidders.'

The classic 'large scale corporate raider' eventually, they end up catching themselves!!

"It's part of a deal I worked out with the I.R.S."

"We must do something about the bloated, fat cat image bankers have a acquired...I think I'll settle for a bigger chair!"

'Right you've got 30 minutes...start squeezing.'

'You won't feel a thing. We make a small incision in your wallet and...'

Department of Unrealistic Dividend Earnings: 'We realize it is an unnecessary department but the acronym was just too cool to shut it down.'

'This drug treats 'stock market jitters' but a side effect is 'irrational exuberance'.'