Fight Clubber Gifts

The Knockout.

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

Meanwhile, in Florida: Little Free Library/Little Free Firearms

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

Brew 'N' Brouhaha

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

'I'd better make a note of your blood group...'

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

"Do kids eat free?"

Look! There's a photo of our eco club's Earth Day actions in the newspaper! Sports. Power up the green machine!! I could use more copies. Me too. They're going to really power up my college applications.

The Walk of Shame

"Oh isn't that your squeeze slithering this way?"

Sober Tooth Tiger

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil clowns is that good clowns do nothing."

Motorcycles tied to hitching post outside a western saloon

'His 5 hour energy drink timed out. If only he had taken it 3 seconds later.'

Hypnotoon

"Is this fake noodle." "Yes, impasta."

Masters of Political Oratory

'You know what I really like in someone? Bulk!'

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

Gym. Instructor. Why do you want to learn kickboxing? I've always wanted to win a fight hands down!

"Hey. We’re in the doghouse every night. That’s the beauty of it."

Gangsta wrap.

A clown has a revelation at the shrink 'And then one day it dawned on me Doc... we're just not funny!'

"Uh-oh. The so-called marriage penalty."

That's weird - every time I call the self-help hotline, it goes straight to my voicemail.

'Don't forget the plan - When he gets weak from laughing - Hit him with your left!'

'It appears Alzedo is toying with his opponent.'

"I'm going to Bognor next year!"

His master's chill-out album

"It was a really classy restaurant. The waiters drop the food on the floor for you."