Field Fan Gifts

The goal posts need to be moved to net zero

"If you could just get rid of the split ends, that will be fine."

Raptures

'Let's give it five more minutes. If they haven't eased up on the lasers by then, we'll have to postpone the game.'

'Unbelievable, these guys brought a ringer.'

Yoyo sheep

"Tunnel of love"

Apparently all our farts damage the ozone layer....

'No, you can't play Space Invaders in it.'

"Just a harmless little genetic experiment," they said. Yeah, right...

Tunnel of Whale Guts

'Remember to eat your 500,000 a day son!'

Men playing water football in barrels on a lake

Despite Having Given Up His Veterinary Practice George liked To Keep His Hand In...

'This'll save a couple of journeys!'

"It's a scientific breakthrough! This seed will produce less corn...thus driving up the price!"

"I'm an ass is half-full kind of donkey."

'Dad, are you sure this is building the right muscles for football?'

'It's the cows. They can't get past a cattle guard.'

She kept Dracula at bay with an episode of the Archers.

Farmacy - 'I can't read your doctor's chicken scratch. I'm sure the pharmacist can, though.'

Hammer Thrower - "Let go of it!"

'Your direction is good! Now try for distance.'

'I'd do better if I knew all the words you know!'

'I got the job, Mom. You always said I'd make a living with my hands.'

Scotsman Playing Cow Bagpipes.

'Is it true you're covered in genuine pigskin?'

So? You snort when you laugh, too.

"Something's trying to get through the Astroturf!"

We're not picking you up from field hockey. Take the late bus. Ok then. I'll get home at 8:30, miss dinner and have no time to study. I'll fail my classes, never get a job and live the rest of my life with you. Not true! You have a bright future as an extortionist. Or soap opera star!

You can always tell animals trained by 4H kids.

Free Range Eggs - ""I've decided to sell up. I'm having trouble making hens meet."

"One of your delicious ducks got into my yard yesterday."

'To be honest, Bo Peep only lost us for about fifteen minutes, but never let the truth get in the way of a good story...'

U.S. Farm Production: Cup Runneth Over.