Festive Guardian Pillows

Ranger protecting a Christmas tree farm.

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

Hunter in stand in a Christmas tree tied to a car.

The Problem with On-the-fly Christmas Caroling

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

'Ahh...I see you travelling far and wide on a long fruitless mission but you still can't find a town centre parking space this Christmas...'

Our busy Sundays are Christmas, Easter and hurricane season.

Geographical Society Christmas Dinner.

Festivus poles

Lost santa and reindeer.

If you go out in the woods today, you're sure of a big surprise.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

'Where were you on the night of October 31st?'

'Rudolph, your nose!'

Carolling

Congregation

People sneaking into a Christmas tree farm.

"It's opening day."

May your Christmas be out of this world!

'HA! Just as I thought! These are DAD'S fingerprints, not SANTA'S.'

'Sorry we're late, we lost three days following one of those Chinese lanterns.'

"Well, of course my DNA was found at the scene, it's Christmas Eve!"

Hark the Herald Angels Sing

'In this district, Constable, you can't be too careful!'

"Night before Christmas or no night before Christmas, I feel like stirring."

'He knows if you've been good or bad - based on how many friends and followers you have.'

"There are never sleigh tracks on our roof, or soot tracks on our carpet. Maybe you're just fake news?"

"Nothing under me this year. We must social distance."

Slippery underfoot

'I was replaced by a state of the art GPS!'

"Mother's deviling the Easter eggs. Is that sacrilegious?"

"And you must be the domestic partner we refused to extend spousal benefits to."

Dear Santa i hope youre well in these Most uncertain times...

Celebrating Whatever - Celebration with blank modifiable banners.