Festive Guardian Gifts

Ranger protecting a Christmas tree farm.

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

The Problem with On-the-fly Christmas Caroling

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

'Ahh...I see you travelling far and wide on a long fruitless mission but you still can't find a town centre parking space this Christmas...'

Geographical Society Christmas Dinner.

Festivus poles

Our busy Sundays are Christmas, Easter and hurricane season.

Lost santa and reindeer.

If you go out in the woods today, you're sure of a big surprise.

'Where were you on the night of October 31st?'

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

'Rudolph, your nose!'

Congregation

May your Christmas be out of this world!

People sneaking into a Christmas tree farm.

Carolling

"It's opening day."

'Sorry we're late, we lost three days following one of those Chinese lanterns.'

'He knows if you've been good or bad - based on how many friends and followers you have.'

'In this district, Constable, you can't be too careful!'

"There are never sleigh tracks on our roof, or soot tracks on our carpet. Maybe you're just fake news?"

Hark the Herald Angels Sing

Slippery underfoot

"Nothing under me this year. We must social distance."

"Night before Christmas or no night before Christmas, I feel like stirring."

"Well, of course my DNA was found at the scene, it's Christmas Eve!"

'I was replaced by a state of the art GPS!'

"Mother's deviling the Easter eggs. Is that sacrilegious?"

Dear Santa i hope youre well in these Most uncertain times...

"And you must be the domestic partner we refused to extend spousal benefits to."

Celebrating Whatever - Celebration with blank modifiable banners.

Chewing on Happy Birthday letters.