Festive Warrior Gifts

"I hate Christmas shopping."

'Ahh...I see you travelling far and wide on a long fruitless mission but you still can't find a town centre parking space this Christmas...'

"No, you definitely wouldn't get Christmas Eve off."

Hunter in stand in a Christmas tree tied to a car.

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

'Avoid the Christmas rush, drink now.

"We all go a bit crackers over Christmas, just try to pull yourself together."

'That was SO worth it!' - Christmas Tree Toppled

Dec. 26

'Nothing says Christmas like a game of 'Death Slayer 4'.'

NSA is coming to town.

"Each year John has so much trouble untangling the lights, they're on him longer than the tree!"

'I'm not saying that global warming is a reality...'

"He said, 'Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?' I thought that meant steer."

U.S Airspace missile detection meets Santa

"How am I? I'm just trying to et over the flu in time for allergy season."

'Hey you take that outside.'

"Mum, I think Grandad's run out of batteries."

Christmas pine

Rescuing the NHS for Christmas

"When is it my turn?"

'I hate Christmas!'

'What I like about Christmas is that wonderful feeling of freedom when it's all over.'

"It's opening day."

Christmas Newspapers

During the winter I shovel snow. In the spring I mop the mud. In the summer I sweep up dust and during fall I rake leaves. In the theater of the seasons, I'm always a member of the cleanup crew!

My job is mostly seasonal. The busiest times are cold season, flu season, and allergy season.

'Mister, I'm an organized labour, and if you don't want to hire me just because I'm no Reindeer, I'll sue you because of discrimination!'

'Repetitive strain injury of the eyes?'

"I'll take 'Jolly Old Elf' for $600, Alex."

The Real War On Christmas

One day in December...

The Navigator on Christmas Eve

"The media says there's a war on Christmas, and St. Nick isn't in the business of losing wars."

"Main floor, aisle six, ladies' scarves. Shopper down."