Festive Detective Pillows

'HA! Just as I thought! These are DAD'S fingerprints, not SANTA'S.'

Missing Santa

'You have the same shoes as my Uncle Charlie!'

"He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. Sounds like a stalker to me."

"There are never sleigh tracks on our roof, or soot tracks on our carpet. Maybe you're just fake news?"

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

Happy Holidays from Sanitary Claus!

Frosting the Snowman

'You know who's been naughty and who's been nice? -- you're not using DNA evidence, are you?'

"We'll see how it goes. It's Santa's first year with the genetically modified deer."

Classic Emojis for sale.

Bad gifts

Peas on Earth.

Safe Christmas.

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

The composer of the 'Twelve Days of Christmas' song.

Festivus poles

Geographical Society Christmas Dinner.

"A nutcracker!! Hey...this thing looks used."

"I'm sorry, Inspector Lestrade, but for reasons which I confess are sentimental, I feel I must, just this once, decline my services to Scotland Yard."

Xmas

'Sorry - I left the naughty kid files on the train.'

"Hundreds of looted Christmas gifts. . . A missing reindeer. . . does that ring a bell, Mr. Rudolph?"

May your Christmas be out of this world!

"Kids on the right, elves on the left."

'Of course I believe in Santa. Just not a publicly funded one.'

Undercover Santa

'What I like about Christmas is that wonderful feeling of freedom when it's all over.'

Elf

People sneaking into a Christmas tree farm.

"If Santa knows when you're sleeping and knows when you're awake...is he with the CIA?"

"I can't help but feel disappointed."

"No more for him, he has to drive."