Festive Forecaster Gifts

'Whoever's guess is closest to the time when the last needle falls off the tree wins the hundred-dollar pool!'

Peace in 2010

"It's official"..."It's a drought!"

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

Santa Claus's Mail

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

European currency on the edge.

"An early spring was just a prediction- I can't actually control the weather!"

"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

Indigenous knowledge vs. climate projections and weather forecasts.

'Call the boss! We're in trouble!'

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"If you ask me, that sky looks awfully threatening!"

'Do I get to take an 'elfie' with Santa, too?'

"We may have to rob from the rich AND the poor."

Man dreaming of TV weather girl having clothes blown off.

The Porkypine Pals Christmas Adventure - Part Five

Red trousers at night - shepherd's delight.

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

'My secret? Stay away from Halloween candy.'

'Any chance of a ploughman's?'

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

Sunny with a chance of Helium

TV - MARS, weather: 'Very hot and dry days, bitterly cold nights and no precipitation for the next several million years!'

North Pole twinned with Amazon

"I wouldn't stand there, if I were you."

"Do you feel your eyes have changed any since your last visit?" "No. They seem to be ho, ho, ho, holding their own."