Feline Financial Planners Gifts

'You can't count your litter box as a deduction just because you do your business there.'

Cat in a tank...

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

"You will meet a tall, mysterious stranger — you will rub fur on his pant leg."

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

A Man and His Cat Read the Financial News.

Saving for Retirement.

Doris was determined to save money on cat parlour fees!

"Yes, the market did advance this week, Rebecca, but we feel it's somewhat of a 'dead-cat bounce.'"

"Frankly, I think it's time we take a long hard look at cat futures."

'Naughty boy, I see you clawing my curtains.'

"Whoa. Nap time again. Meeting adjourned."

'Catch any good mice lately?'

"All right, Thompson. The board concedes that this quarter's economic growth does look very much like a kitty.

"I used to get toys as birthday gifts but now that I'm in pre-school, all I get is money for my college fund."

'Our short-term solution is money. Our long-term solution is more money.'

'So much for the will! Now, before you start celebrating, I suggest you think about inheritance taxes, because, according to my calculations, you will be left with. . ."

"I only invest in alternative meat products, so I reject the terms 'Bull' and 'Bear'."

'What, you again? And you'll want credit as usual, I suppose!'

'Andy, this is Doug. Looks like we're going to have to dip into the reserves earlier than we expected.'

"You'd think having nine lives, we'd be better at retirement planning."

"Betty, we're paying through the nose for that plastic surgery! Just look at that visa and discovery bill!"

"Let's just hope the cat doesn't have anymore kittens."

"Oh no, the dead mouse on the threshold is not an offering! It's retaliation for my dinner being served late the night before..."

I know this is the first day of the rest of my life, but if were a cat, and I had nine lives, would that make this the first life of the rest of my day

"No, we're going to see a financial advisor, we can't be flippant about our retirement money."

Help. If I hadn't lost everything, I'll tell you what stocks I'd buy now.

Bad cat - Credit Card.

"He binge watches TED talks about getting the upper hand with cats."

"That should keep him off our backs for a while."

Cat Horoscopes: 'You will spend the day curled up on the comfy chair. In the evening expect a treat from your owner for being so good.'

"When throwing up a hairball, placement is very important."

Why cats will never rule the world: 'First, we'll assume high level government positions! Then we'll enforce harsh taxing measures! ...But first let's take a nap...sun spot feels...so good.'

'Do you believe in signs, Sir?'