Feline Finance Guru Gifts

"You'd think having nine lives, we'd be better at retirement planning."

Cat in a tank...

'So that we can have a productive meeting, please turn off all phones and put away any catnip toys.'

A Man and His Cat Read the Financial News.

Saving for Retirement.

Doris was determined to save money on cat parlour fees!

"Yes, the market did advance this week, Rebecca, but we feel it's somewhat of a 'dead-cat bounce.'"

"Frankly, I think it's time we take a long hard look at cat futures."

'Catch any good mice lately?'

"All right, Thompson. The board concedes that this quarter's economic growth does look very much like a kitty.

'So much for the will! Now, before you start celebrating, I suggest you think about inheritance taxes, because, according to my calculations, you will be left with. . ."

'What, you again? And you'll want credit as usual, I suppose!'

'It's a good living. They train you to do default swaps and you get paid in seals.'

'Frankly, I'm looking for someone who's tall, dark and solvent.'

"Oh no, the dead mouse on the threshold is not an offering! It's retaliation for my dinner being served late the night before..."

'...anything else, sir?'

Bad cat - Credit Card.

"He binge watches TED talks about getting the upper hand with cats."

"That should keep him off our backs for a while."

"When throwing up a hairball, placement is very important."

Why cats will never rule the world: 'First, we'll assume high level government positions! Then we'll enforce harsh taxing measures! ...But first let's take a nap...sun spot feels...so good.'

'Do you have a dog biscuit ETF, chew toy ETF, rawhide bone eTF. . .?'

Dog has a hi-yeild inbox full of bones.

'Do you believe in signs, Sir?'

"This is Mr. Burke—he's a non-bank banker."

"Never sell your hotels and try to choose the tiny hat."

'Acme investments, featuring: Catnip stocks, catnip futures...'

Joker Financial Consultant

"You stick with learning new tricks...I'm going for world domination."

'I didn't know you were a nature lover...' 'I'm not, it's saving me a fortune in cat food!"

'This job as a CEO has me conflicted...'

"I'm too lazy to weave through my owner's legs, so I've set up a trip-wire."