Feline Financial Guru Gifts

'Acme investments, featuring: Catnip stocks, catnip futures...'

'So that we can have a productive meeting, please turn off all phones and put away any catnip toys.'

"You will meet a tall, mysterious stranger — you will rub fur on his pant leg."

A Man and His Cat Read the Financial News.

Saving for Retirement.

Doris was determined to save money on cat parlour fees!

"Yes, the market did advance this week, Rebecca, but we feel it's somewhat of a 'dead-cat bounce.'"

"All right, Thompson. The board concedes that this quarter's economic growth does look very much like a kitty.

'So much for the will! Now, before you start celebrating, I suggest you think about inheritance taxes, because, according to my calculations, you will be left with. . ."

'What, you again? And you'll want credit as usual, I suppose!'

"You'd think having nine lives, we'd be better at retirement planning."

'It's a good living. They train you to do default swaps and you get paid in seals.'

'Investments in money funds increased this month on news it TAKES money to MAKE money.'

"Betty, we're paying through the nose for that plastic surgery! Just look at that visa and discovery bill!"

'Who do I talk to about getting a student loan?'

'Borrow 50p? Sorry, I'm staying out of the sub-prime lending market.'

'...anything else, sir?'

Bad cat - Credit Card.

Investments: We have organic and gluten-free stocks.

"I was thinking...what if you didn't get a car? Think how much you'd save! No car payments. No gas bills. No insurance. No repair bills."

'Do you believe in signs, Sir?'

'You can't count your litter box as a deduction just because you do your business there.'

Joker Financial Consultant

'When we get home our homes and portfolios will have tripled in value, our jobs will be waiting for us...'

"This is Mr. Burke—he's a non-bank banker."

"Never sell your hotels and try to choose the tiny hat."

Man astounded by his invoice

'So I cooked the books. Haven't you ever made a mistake?'

'With your record in picking stocks, Cramstead, I suggest you put your money in accident insurance.'

"'College fund'? Hahahahaha!"

'I didn't know you were a nature lover...' 'I'm not, it's saving me a fortune in cat food!"