Feeding Fancier Gifts

'Are you trying to tell me that neither of you get penalty rates for the 2 a.m feed?'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

'So this is goodbye then!'

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

"Is the garbage fresh?"

'We know you have a cat.'

'Can I have a Banana-Split' without the ice-cream?'

"Oh, we've got to nip this little trick in the bud right away."

"The narrative seems contrived."

"We have a new line of designer hedge funds...the Topiary Group."

You'll have to speak up, I can't hear a word you're saying!

'You're being unreasonable,Fred. I can't help it if your 22-pound bass slipped out of my hands.'.

The ambush.

"You have such beautiful eyes."

'Cat scans are for felines. I will give your dog a pet scan.'

'We let our products speak for themselves. This is ‘I Can't Believe It's So Tasty And Price-Friendly In Today's Demanding Market.' '

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Graeae

"Number two all over but leave it shaggy on top"

Rex had always suspected his wife was being unfaithful, but it was worse than that...much worse.

'Watch this... I have him trained to give me a treat every time I shake his hand.'

"Sous vide hot dog round, dehydrated generic bun dust, sweet relish foam, ketchup tuile."

Online Dog Dating

"She feeds me the same stuff every single day, yet I can't help approaching it like I have NO idea what it could possibly be!"

"There's nothing like dog-walking for making new friends...."

'Guarding the house, bringing Master his newspaper and slippers does not require much skill, does it? Catching mice, on the other hand...'

Cat wakes up owner demanding to be fed.

'...paddlecat is said to have contributed to much of the tension that exists between the two species, even today.'

'Don't give me that 'hairball' excuse again. Just admit it - you don't like my cooking!'

Kittens and snake.

''E's going for the 'double'!'

'Oh no, the chickens have killed another fox.'

'Next please.'

'I don't know - with all these feathers you'd think there'd be a bird in here somewhere.'

'No, they won't have kittens. They are brother and sister.'