Feeding Fancier Gifts

'Are you trying to tell me that neither of you get penalty rates for the 2 a.m feed?'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

'So this is goodbye then!'

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

'Can I have a Banana-Split' without the ice-cream?'

"Is the garbage fresh?"

'We know you have a cat.'

"Oh, we've got to nip this little trick in the bud right away."

"The narrative seems contrived."

"We have a new line of designer hedge funds...the Topiary Group."

You'll have to speak up, I can't hear a word you're saying!

The ambush.

'You're being unreasonable,Fred. I can't help it if your 22-pound bass slipped out of my hands.'.

"You have such beautiful eyes."

'Cat scans are for felines. I will give your dog a pet scan.'

'We let our products speak for themselves. This is ‘I Can't Believe It's So Tasty And Price-Friendly In Today's Demanding Market.' '

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Graeae

"Number two all over but leave it shaggy on top"

'Watch this... I have him trained to give me a treat every time I shake his hand.'

'Guarding the house, bringing Master his newspaper and slippers does not require much skill, does it? Catching mice, on the other hand...'

"She feeds me the same stuff every single day, yet I can't help approaching it like I have NO idea what it could possibly be!"

Online Dog Dating

'...paddlecat is said to have contributed to much of the tension that exists between the two species, even today.'

"There's nothing like dog-walking for making new friends...."

Cat wakes up owner demanding to be fed.

'Don't give me that 'hairball' excuse again. Just admit it - you don't like my cooking!'

"Sous vide hot dog round, dehydrated generic bun dust, sweet relish foam, ketchup tuile."

Kittens and snake.

'Oh no, the chickens have killed another fox.'

''E's going for the 'double'!'

'Next please.'

'No, they won't have kittens. They are brother and sister.'

"You haven't napped until you've napped on the hood of a '57 Chevy."

'Sometimes I think I spoil this dog'