Fee-phobic Jokester Gifts

Man looking at the cartes de visite of the lawyers in chancery lane

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'We need to talk about your fear of commitment, Ralph.'

'We don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's a tax deduction.'

'And that one painted and forgot to close the curtains.'

Budget Opticians.

"Let's skip marriage and just go on the honeymoon in Vegas!"

Zero interest CDs! Why pay taxes?

"... Yes, I know there's a hole in your ceiling. Why do you think we're called, the star view motel?"

'I understand the plight of average crustaceans... Because I'm just an average crustacean myself.'

Pantomimes Are Lousy Painters. . .

"Oh, Jeez! A pube in my tea! How the heck did that get there?"

Pamplona bull instructions - Running with the Idiots.

'I'm with the I.R.S. you had better report this as income.'

Best friends: death and taxes.

'Yes, it is a 'wonderful discovery'. But whatever you do, don't touch it!'

"With the right training an enterprising young man like yourself could do well in white-collar crime."

"When are you going to accept the fact that it's over between us?!"

"I'm a working dog, and the IRS never lets me forget it."

'Yes, we offer no-fee checking accounts. For a small fee.'

"Remember how sure you were nobody would notice how much you'd fudged on your deductions?"

Maid using a gridiron as a warming-pan in an Irish hotel.

"Do you have a card that expresses my undying love and devotion...But with a six month get out clause."

'I'm leaving you because you know the price of everything and the value of nothing.'

"I don't mean to minimize your problems. That's not how I make my dough."

"I only swallowed a 10p piece. Why are you making me cough up £50?"

"...I'd say your health was way below the poverty line!"

'I must warn you; reading your bill may cause heart palpitations,cold sweat,stomach cramps,nausea...'

'Your cholesterol is high your blood pressure is low, your heart bead is irregular. Your stocks are down and you're overdrawn at the bank.'

'Well, the joke's on you -- I don't HAVE $873.91.'

'What do you say, Betty - 'buyer's remorse'?'

"The shop was so quiet I could hear your overdraft growing."

'The chloride co. wants to merge with us. They think we can make salt together.'

"Doggone it, Penelope, I'm crazy about you! I'm begging you, please, please don't divorce me!"