Bill-phobic Humorist Gifts

'I must warn you; reading your bill may cause heart palpitations,cold sweat,stomach cramps,nausea...'

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

Orchestra Class Air Guitar.

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

Man in Therapist office sees a sign: Therapy Is Expensive Bubble Wrap Is Cheap You Decide

Yes, they are all dependants."

"Rapunzel,Rapunzel.Throw down your accounts for the last fiscal year!"

"Well, I'm sorry. The 3 wishes I'm granting can't exceed the annual exclusion of $14,000."

"I just asked to see his tax returns. It was supposed to be funny."

'How about a windfall tax on baked beans?'

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."

Budget reaction.

'Tax inspector: In. Out. Suicide notes.'

'He's testing my Hippocratic Oath. He wors for the IRS.'

Ever sensitive about its image, the IRS tries a more service-oriented approach.

Earl was obviously distressed, as he recounted under hypnosis how aliens had abducted him, and had their tax inspectors thoroughly examine his books.

"I charge by the grain."

"Actually we're one of the few businesses that enjoy VAT visits."

'Historically, the population decline started when the Dodo Government introduced a tax on flying...'

'It only made sense for us to finally merge.'

"Stop saying, 'Capital,' Gaines."

"Do you have any receipts from this this 'alien abduction'?"

Ancient Greece. "The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates. Socrates clearly lived in a time before IRS audits.

'I may feel like a million bucks, but after taxes I look like two dollars and fifteen cents.'

'My records show that you haven't filed a tax return for 17 years!'

Would you like a tissue - they're 24p plus VAT.

'The next phase in which we carve the stones ornately will cost a little more than the previous ones.'

'From January to May, I work for the government to pay for my income tax and from May to October to pay for my malpractice insurance.'

"Sorry about the disguise.But we've had to reduce our budget for the 'witness protection programme'."

"The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates. Sounds like a man who never had a tax return audited.

Budget Opticians.

'The businessman's lunch is just like the regular lunch, sir, except that it's more heavily taxed.'

"Our property taxes went up agian."

"On earth that is all ya know and all ye need know- except at tax time."