Billing Humorist Gifts

From "The Letters Of Jeffrey Flanders and Tip-Top Utility"

'He's not a pet. He's an endangered species.'

Ice Cream Surgeon

man fishing at a dock sees a billboard: Do You Know It's Anniversary

Orchestra Class Air Guitar.

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

'It feels warm enough to me.'

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."

"What, exactly, did you say to the maître d'?"

"At Hooters I'd already have three compliments on my tie!"

"Let me take that for you."

'Lovely soup, just like my mother used to open.'

'Your ten percent tip.'

Budget reaction.

'What a bargain!'

"I charge by the grain."

'You'll be happy to know there's nothing wrong with you. That will be four thousand, three hundred and eighty two dollars.'

'Damn, we forgot to cancel the book of the month!'

"The doctor's running late. Feel free to catch up on your binge watching with our waiting room TV."

'I'm sorry, but the soup of the day was just tripped over by the employee of the month.'

"Apologies for the delay. Your eggs Benedict should be up soon."

'Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.'

'I see the Maids have been in!'

"Remember to round each billable hour off to the nearest week."

'That pest in 453 is being discharged.'

'Hello, Room Service?'

Bed or breakfast.

'The next phase in which we carve the stones ornately will cost a little more than the previous ones.'

"Sorry about the disguise.But we've had to reduce our budget for the 'witness protection programme'."

Dentist: We drill/Fill/Bill.

'Waiter! There's a . . . oh, never mind.'

No petting in the pool!

"Here’s your room key and mini-bar."

'We're really sorry!'