Billboard Humorist Gifts

man fishing at a dock sees a billboard: Do You Know It's Anniversary

'You'll be happy to know there's nothing wrong with you. That will be four thousand, three hundred and eighty two dollars.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

Glance Exchange

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"The Eggsorcist"

"Right now Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing sit-ups."

"It's just a tree."

"How about a hand."

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

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Self Help / Elf Help.

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

"I cross the road to forget."

'The Lemming Book Store'

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'

'You can't come in here with that.'