Billboard Humor Lovers Gifts

Pince-Nez for the Whole Family

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

Life is for the birds.

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

Lesser known greek gods,

True confessions.

"I know we just met, but all I got is a twenty-four-hour pass!"

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

'It's called 'cause and effect.' I pound this log and Tarzan goes bananas.'

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

'What's the big deal about acid rain? Can't we just make alkaline rain to counteract it?'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

Feedback card for lions eating their prey.

"Move ten paces, turn, then fire. Ready?" "Dibs on the hat."

"Daddy, you have to flatten this curve."

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

Romeo & Juliet & Ron