Billing Comedian Gifts

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."

Man not charged enough for first opinion.

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

man fishing at a dock sees a billboard: Do You Know It's Anniversary

Only One Item or Fewer.

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

I am billing, therefore I am.

"I charge by the grain."

'There's been unexpected complications involving your husband's bill.'

'You'll be happy to know there's nothing wrong with you. That will be four thousand, three hundred and eighty two dollars.'

Medical Billing & Coding

"Remember to round each billable hour off to the nearest week."

"No this is your contract. The other one's your bill

'The computer links me to other doctors, so I can see how much they're charging for tests.'

'Blimey, you must have charged for the trolley as well!'

"The doctor recommends payment in advance. A person in your condition doesn't need to be worried about bills."

Dentist: We drill/Fill/Bill.

"This bill is the same as your estimate! What did'nt you do?"

'With the tax cut and the federal deficit, the only solution is for you to earn more, Mr. Syms.'

"We lawyers are very conscientious about our charges and I remember that one specifically: I called to wish you a happy birthday and I got your answering machine so I just billed you a quarter of an hour."

Josh tests his theory that by driving backward through a quick-pass toll lane, he can get money ADDED to his credit card account.

'Even if your dog does do 'His Business' in your basement, you still can't deduct it as office space.'

"Humor and laughter strengthen your immune system, boost your energy...diminish pain and protect you from the damaging effects of stress!"

'Sorry, the bag boy's down with the flu,'

'Which eight do you want?'

"Do you take MasterCard?"

'Remember to bill for the time it takes to bill for the time it takes to bill.'

From "The Letters Of Jeffrey Flanders and Tip-Top Utility"

"Skip parts A through H and fill out the I, O and U ones!"

"Oh, that's a tricky one...now let me think...'Would I like a carrier bag..?' hmm..."

"I never use the Express Lane. I like to keep my money a little longer."

Stand-up Accountant

'Oh that's actually for here, not to go.'