Billing Banter Gifts

"Skip parts A through H and fill out the I, O and U ones!"

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

"The Gross National Product and the Gross Domestic Product are doing okay. It's the Gross Domestic Mojo that's going down the toilet."

'I said I wanted to address the manager shortage -- not a short manager!'

You said you wanted to speak to the chairman of Zapco Steel - I've just realised that's me.

Manager - I don't just manage, I excel!

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

"Jane is sales, Fred is accounting, and Johnny's song and dance."

I am billing, therefore I am.

"I love this work-from-home concept. Now I can fire someone without going to the office."

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."

"No, I didn't say, 'health'. I said I'm concerned about your wealth... Can you afford to pay my bill?"

'Dang it, nothing but junk mail'

'I don't know about you, but I could do with a break.'

My definition of 'quality time?'...charging $500 per hour.

'There's been unexpected complications involving your husband's bill.'

"I charge by the grain."

Gas Price Reads: Way Too Much.

Medical Billing & Coding

"The pizza guy wants to know what floor we're on."

"Remember to round each billable hour off to the nearest week."

"No this is your contract. The other one's your bill

"I'm ready. Are you ready? Let the billing begin!"

'The computer links me to other doctors, so I can see how much they're charging for tests.'

"The doctor recommends payment in advance. A person in your condition doesn't need to be worried about bills."

"Hey! You overcharged me by $20."

"Remember the longer the jury stays out the more the more hours I have to bill."

Dentist: We drill/Fill/Bill.

Mixing Business and Pleasure

"This bill is the same as your estimate! What did'nt you do?"

'I need you to open wide, Peel.' - 'Ahhh.' - 'Not your mouth, fool! Your wallet.' - 'Arghhh!' - 'Wider!' - 'Argh!'

'Apparently if the banks don't pay top whack then senior staff will go off and bugger up someone else's business.'

"We lawyers are very conscientious about our charges and I remember that one specifically: I called to wish you a happy birthday and I got your answering machine so I just billed you a quarter of an hour."

"His ingrowing solicitor was playing up again."