Billing Banter Fan Gifts

"We lawyers are very conscientious about our charges and I remember that one specifically: I called to wish you a happy birthday and I got your answering machine so I just billed you a quarter of an hour."

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

"Sir, I have a question that's lunch-related."

I am billing, therefore I am.

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."

"I charge by the grain."

'I'll give you this, Henderson - you're no worse than anyone else.'

'There's been unexpected complications involving your husband's bill.'

"Remember to round each billable hour off to the nearest week."

"What I drink and what I tell the pollsters I drink are two different things."

"Yeah, I'm selling my bowling balls. Free delivery to anyone who lives downhill."

Dentist: We drill/Fill/Bill.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Berger. I must have accidentally pressed the 'Sycophant' button."

Propriety

'Before you nodded off, your last statement was that we need to reinvigorate the company.'

Can you feel the electricity in the air?...

'So...your Bowel or mine?' / A male tapeworm using a pick-up line on a female tapeworm

The Forgotten Men's Club

(Negotiating Breakthrough) (Rub my foot, would you, Hargraves?)

"I see you're on a date at the moment but perhaps later we could meet for a latte."

'Quit the act? That's not you, boss--that's the drink talking.'

"Oh year?! Well, MY daddy is the largest of the largest animal species on earth!"

"Mine's a metaphor. I don't know what's going on withyou."

Man not charged enough for first opinion.

'You have inflammation in both eyes but as far as I can see, there's no information behind them.'

Chemistry Trash Talk: 'I heard your mama thinks Pasteurized milk was named for Louis Pasteurize.'

"Skip parts A through H and fill out the I, O and U ones!"

From "The Letters Of Jeffrey Flanders and Tip-Top Utility"

'Rough meeting. You really got hung out to dry.'

'Like it or not baby, I'm the only rooster in this henhouse...'

'I didn't invent fire, but I like to think I've perfected playing with it.'

"Not to brag, but I once blew a vaping cloud so big the Met Office gave it a name."