Billing Banter Fan Gifts

"We lawyers are very conscientious about our charges and I remember that one specifically: I called to wish you a happy birthday and I got your answering machine so I just billed you a quarter of an hour."

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

"Sir, I have a question that's lunch-related."

I am billing, therefore I am.

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."

'There's been unexpected complications involving your husband's bill.'

'I'll give you this, Henderson - you're no worse than anyone else.'

"I charge by the grain."

"Remember to round each billable hour off to the nearest week."

'You're listening to no repeat radio where we never play the same song twice! Yeah! No repeat radio! Where you'll never hear the same song twice! Only on no repeat radio!'

"What I drink and what I tell the pollsters I drink are two different things."

Dentist: We drill/Fill/Bill.

"Yeah, I'm selling my bowling balls. Free delivery to anyone who lives downhill."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Berger. I must have accidentally pressed the 'Sycophant' button."

Can you feel the electricity in the air?...

'Before you nodded off, your last statement was that we need to reinvigorate the company.'

Propriety

'So...your Bowel or mine?' / A male tapeworm using a pick-up line on a female tapeworm

The Forgotten Men's Club

'You have inflammation in both eyes but as far as I can see, there's no information behind them.'

"Oh year?! Well, MY daddy is the largest of the largest animal species on earth!"

You throw poop like a girl.

"I see you're on a date at the moment but perhaps later we could meet for a latte."

Man not charged enough for first opinion.

(Negotiating Breakthrough) (Rub my foot, would you, Hargraves?)

'Quit the act? That's not you, boss--that's the drink talking.'

"Mine's a metaphor. I don't know what's going on withyou."

Chemistry Trash Talk: 'I heard your mama thinks Pasteurized milk was named for Louis Pasteurize.'

From "The Letters Of Jeffrey Flanders and Tip-Top Utility"

"Skip parts A through H and fill out the I, O and U ones!"

'Rough meeting. You really got hung out to dry.'

'Like it or not baby, I'm the only rooster in this henhouse...'

'I didn't invent fire, but I like to think I've perfected playing with it.'