Billing Comedian Pillows

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."

Man not charged enough for first opinion.

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

man fishing at a dock sees a billboard: Do You Know It's Anniversary

Only One Item or Fewer.

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

I am billing, therefore I am.

'There's been unexpected complications involving your husband's bill.'

"I charge by the grain."

Medical Billing & Coding

'You'll be happy to know there's nothing wrong with you. That will be four thousand, three hundred and eighty two dollars.'

"Remember to round each billable hour off to the nearest week."

"No this is your contract. The other one's your bill

'The computer links me to other doctors, so I can see how much they're charging for tests.'

Dentist: We drill/Fill/Bill.

"The doctor recommends payment in advance. A person in your condition doesn't need to be worried about bills."

'Blimey, you must have charged for the trolley as well!'

"This bill is the same as your estimate! What did'nt you do?"

'With the tax cut and the federal deficit, the only solution is for you to earn more, Mr. Syms.'

"We lawyers are very conscientious about our charges and I remember that one specifically: I called to wish you a happy birthday and I got your answering machine so I just billed you a quarter of an hour."

'Even if your dog does do 'His Business' in your basement, you still can't deduct it as office space.'

"Humor and laughter strengthen your immune system, boost your energy...diminish pain and protect you from the damaging effects of stress!"

'Which eight do you want?'

'Sorry, the bag boy's down with the flu,'

"Do you take MasterCard?"

'Remember to bill for the time it takes to bill for the time it takes to bill.'

"Skip parts A through H and fill out the I, O and U ones!"

From "The Letters Of Jeffrey Flanders and Tip-Top Utility"

'Oh that's actually for here, not to go.'

"I never use the Express Lane. I like to keep my money a little longer."

"Oh, that's a tricky one...now let me think...'Would I like a carrier bag..?' hmm..."

'I must warn you; reading your bill may cause heart palpitations,cold sweat,stomach cramps,nausea...'

"Penny for your thoughts? I'm a solicitor, it'll cost you five hundred!"