Fee-phobic Friend Gifts

'Yes, we offer no-fee checking accounts. For a small fee.'

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

'That's what I thought, finances are tight: She's switched to no-name cat food...'

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

"I just..."

'It's cheaper than gas.'

"We balanced our budget this month!"

"That thermostat I bought is smart. It knows how cheap I am, so it keeps our home freezing."

GAS. If you have to ask, you probably can't afford it.

'All this talk about a consumer society... I don't buy it.'

"We cancelled Netfix for this?"

Piggy Bank Coin I.V.

Expensive greeting cards.

'How much did you save this year?'

"We're going to need more pets."

Buy Back the Junk We Bought at Your Garage Sale

"I guess I really was spending too much money on lattes."

'I think we may have an income problem.'

"We've got a new financial advisor. I asked him how to cut down on out of pocket expenses and he said to stop wearing clothes with pockets."

"The company must save money. That's why we've got to be easy on the carpet."

Boss, customers are asking why you've doubled prices. I'm just being fair. When the cost of coffee beans go up, everyone thinks I'm justified in raising the price of coffee. But cost increases come in all shapes and sizes. What about my new 80" tv? What about my new car note? What about my manservant I just imported from London? I dream of the day when all costs can be passed on to customers equally. Greed is not a civil right issue!

'The gas bill is a lot bigger than usual.'

'He's studying to go to university' - Student reading book; 'HOW TO LIVE ON NO MONEY'

Shopper sees sign: Buy one get ripped off.

'Can I help? You bet your bottom dollar I can.'

Gas prices up.

"That will be $109.85." "What! Sign says they’re $1.69 each." "Yes, and you have 65 of them."

"With this app, I can track my savings. It counts cash, categorizes cash, and calculates cash interest."

"Hello, Sally? I've decided not to go to the concert. . . my father said I'd have to use my own money!"

'All the money we saved buying bulk food on sale we blew on this huge freezer!'

'And don't say you could have done it cheaper and better at home.'

"You're home early. Was it your round?"

'Drive-ins are so expensive...this is much better than a drive in.'

Everything became too freaking expensive today.

"The social conservative in me tells me to pay for dinner, but the fiscal conservative thinks we should split it."