Budget-conscious Friend Gifts

'This second prescription is to calm you down after you see the cost of the first one.'

Banana Peels.

"I sense some tightness in your wallet."

'As you know, medical costs have skyrocketed -- that'll be fifty cents.'

'I've asked Santa for a tank of unleaded petrol.'

"What April Fool's joke?"

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

So I'm "cheap." It's a perfectly good word. And it aptly describes my interest in conserving resources. I suppose we could call you "thrifty." Heavens no! And waste two whole letters? I see we've only wasted one whole tea bag.

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

'That's what I thought, finances are tight: She's switched to no-name cat food...'

"I just..."

'It's cheaper than gas.'

"We balanced our budget this month!"

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

"We cancelled Netfix for this?"

'All this talk about a consumer society... I don't buy it.'

GAS. If you have to ask, you probably can't afford it.

Piggy Bank Coin I.V.

"We're going to need more pets."

'How much did you save this year?'

Buy Back the Junk We Bought at Your Garage Sale

"The company must save money. That's why we've got to be easy on the carpet."

"No one can afford to eat us anymore."

Boss, customers are asking why you've doubled prices. I'm just being fair. When the cost of coffee beans go up, everyone thinks I'm justified in raising the price of coffee. But cost increases come in all shapes and sizes. What about my new 80" tv? What about my new car note? What about my manservant I just imported from London? I dream of the day when all costs can be passed on to customers equally. Greed is not a civil right issue!

"We've got a new financial advisor. I asked him how to cut down on out of pocket expenses and he said to stop wearing clothes with pockets."

'I think we may have an income problem.'

'The gas bill is a lot bigger than usual.'

'He's studying to go to university' - Student reading book; 'HOW TO LIVE ON NO MONEY'

Shopper sees sign: Buy one get ripped off.

"That will be $109.85." "What! Sign says they’re $1.69 each." "Yes, and you have 65 of them."

"You're home early. Was it your round?"

'Can I help? You bet your bottom dollar I can.'

'All the money we saved buying bulk food on sale we blew on this huge freezer!'

'And don't say you could have done it cheaper and better at home.'