Budget-conscious Buddies Gifts

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

So I'm "cheap." It's a perfectly good word. And it aptly describes my interest in conserving resources. I suppose we could call you "thrifty." Heavens no! And waste two whole letters? I see we've only wasted one whole tea bag.

'We are entering an era of thrift, so in place of champagne and canapes, there will be a jumble sale.'

"I just..."

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

"That thermostat I bought is smart. It knows how cheap I am, so it keeps our home freezing."

'Let's go home and come back next year. It's Ground Hog Deficit!'

DIY marriage counseling.

'They never quite finished it - it was probably over budget.'

Overdraft limit.

The spend is high

Expensive greeting cards.

'What if we televise government budget hearings and make them pay-per-view?'

"I guess I really was spending too much money on lattes."

"No one can afford to eat us anymore."

'You're clearly not well, just keep taking these until we run out of them.'

"I'm afraid your allowance didn't survive the latest round of budget cuts."

Family planning - 'I was thinking something low maintenance.'

'Of course, that bid's just an estimate.'

"Could you hold off clipping your coupons until I've finished reading the paper?"

How to make sure he won't see his shadow.

Security/Savings

"But if we didn't measure things we wouldn't know how good we were at measuring the things that we're measuring!"

"I don't need one, Gracie. My shopping list is very simple! Things I have a coupon for and things that are on sale!"

'Haven't they ever heard of walls around here?'

"If only there was a thesaurus for numbers."

Affordable housing

"Sergio, we don't have to spend so much money on health insurance."

Rx. Warning: May cause sudden loss of income.

Looking for a way to have their cake and eat it too.

Low income vampires.

'If the 750ml and th 375ml of the '82 Beaumont are too pricey, how about their Merlot-scented auto air freshener? -- Only 99 cents.'

Tony Blair - EU budget.

Everyone waited as Allen figured out how much the meal had cost per bite.

'Speculation, speculation, speculation!'