Budget-conscious Friends Gifts

"Do you give estimates?"

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

'We are entering an era of thrift, so in place of champagne and canapes, there will be a jumble sale.'

"I just..."

"That thermostat I bought is smart. It knows how cheap I am, so it keeps our home freezing."

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

DIY marriage counseling.

'Let's go home and come back next year. It's Ground Hog Deficit!'

'They never quite finished it - it was probably over budget.'

Expensive greeting cards.

The spend is high

'What if we televise government budget hearings and make them pay-per-view?'

Overdraft limit.

"I guess I really was spending too much money on lattes."

"I'm afraid your allowance didn't survive the latest round of budget cuts."

"No one can afford to eat us anymore."

'I like the jib of their cuts.'

'You're clearly not well, just keep taking these until we run out of them.'

Family planning - 'I was thinking something low maintenance.'

'Of course, that bid's just an estimate.'

"Could you hold off clipping your coupons until I've finished reading the paper?"

"... And how are you enjoying the cheapest bottle of wine on the menu?"

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

How to make sure he won't see his shadow.

Security/Savings

"But if we didn't measure things we wouldn't know how good we were at measuring the things that we're measuring!"

Sam's Nation Building

Low income vampires.

Affordable housing

Tony Blair - EU budget.

"If only there was a thesaurus for numbers."

Looking for a way to have their cake and eat it too.

'If the 750ml and th 375ml of the '82 Beaumont are too pricey, how about their Merlot-scented auto air freshener? -- Only 99 cents.'

"I don't need one, Gracie. My shopping list is very simple! Things I have a coupon for and things that are on sale!"