Budget-conscious Friends Gifts

"Do you give estimates?"

So I'm "cheap." It's a perfectly good word. And it aptly describes my interest in conserving resources. I suppose we could call you "thrifty." Heavens no! And waste two whole letters? I see we've only wasted one whole tea bag.

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

'We are entering an era of thrift, so in place of champagne and canapes, there will be a jumble sale.'

"I just..."

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

"That thermostat I bought is smart. It knows how cheap I am, so it keeps our home freezing."

DIY marriage counseling.

'Let's go home and come back next year. It's Ground Hog Deficit!'

'They never quite finished it - it was probably over budget.'

Overdraft limit.

The spend is high

'What if we televise government budget hearings and make them pay-per-view?'

Expensive greeting cards.

"I guess I really was spending too much money on lattes."

"No one can afford to eat us anymore."

'You're clearly not well, just keep taking these until we run out of them.'

'I like the jib of their cuts.'

Family planning - 'I was thinking something low maintenance.'

"I'm afraid your allowance didn't survive the latest round of budget cuts."

'Of course, that bid's just an estimate.'

"Could you hold off clipping your coupons until I've finished reading the paper?"

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

"... And how are you enjoying the cheapest bottle of wine on the menu?"

How to make sure he won't see his shadow.

Security/Savings

"But if we didn't measure things we wouldn't know how good we were at measuring the things that we're measuring!"

Affordable housing

Sam's Nation Building

Low income vampires.

Tony Blair - EU budget.

"I don't need one, Gracie. My shopping list is very simple! Things I have a coupon for and things that are on sale!"

'If the 750ml and th 375ml of the '82 Beaumont are too pricey, how about their Merlot-scented auto air freshener? -- Only 99 cents.'

Rx. Warning: May cause sudden loss of income.

Looking for a way to have their cake and eat it too.