Budget Savvy Buddy Gifts

"Sergio, we don't have to spend so much money on health insurance."

So I'm "cheap." It's a perfectly good word. And it aptly describes my interest in conserving resources. I suppose we could call you "thrifty." Heavens no! And waste two whole letters? I see we've only wasted one whole tea bag.

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

'We are entering an era of thrift, so in place of champagne and canapes, there will be a jumble sale.'

"I just..."

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

DIY marriage counseling.

'Let's go home and come back next year. It's Ground Hog Deficit!'

'They never quite finished it - it was probably over budget.'

Overdraft limit.

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

The spend is high

'What if we televise government budget hearings and make them pay-per-view?'

"I'm afraid your allowance didn't survive the latest round of budget cuts."

Family planning - 'I was thinking something low maintenance.'

"Could you hold off clipping your coupons until I've finished reading the paper?"

Husband dismayed to get cold mutton for dinner again. Wife comments that someone must be economical on the housekeeping money she is given.

"With this app, I can track my savings. It counts cash, categorizes cash, and calculates cash interest."

"Hello, Sally? I've decided not to go to the concert. . . my father said I'd have to use my own money!"

Now hiring: crowdfunding expert to reduce the US budget deficit.

Security/Savings

How to make sure he won't see his shadow.

Take one Per Day as Affordable.

"But if we didn't measure things we wouldn't know how good we were at measuring the things that we're measuring!"

"The social conservative in me tells me to pay for dinner, but the fiscal conservative thinks we should split it."

U.S. Department of Deficit Spending

"Wow, they want $10,000!"

"If only there was a thesaurus for numbers."

Tony Blair - EU budget.

'It's great: My Masters are poor, so I don't have anything to guard and they never leave me to go on holidays...'

"I don't need one, Gracie. My shopping list is very simple! Things I have a coupon for and things that are on sale!"

Looking for a way to have their cake and eat it too.

Everyone waited as Allen figured out how much the meal had cost per bite.

'Speculation, speculation, speculation!'

A Room (with adequate light and ventilation, no psychotic neighbors, near a grocery store, in a halfway-decent building in an O.K. neighborhood [not Queens, please God] for under $2000 a month) of One's Own