Budget Lovers Gifts

"Well, I see the treasury as half-EMPTY!"

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

'We are entering an era of thrift, so in place of champagne and canapes, there will be a jumble sale.'

DIY marriage counseling.

'Let's go home and come back next year. It's Ground Hog Deficit!'

'They never quite finished it - it was probably over budget.'

Overdraft limit.

'What if we televise government budget hearings and make them pay-per-view?'

The spend is high

'Please, Dad? Can we? Can we? Pleeeease?'

"No one can afford to eat us anymore."

Family planning - 'I was thinking something low maintenance.'

"I'm afraid your allowance didn't survive the latest round of budget cuts."

How much would you take off for cash?

'You're clearly not well, just keep taking these until we run out of them.'

'How do I qualify for the 'Preferred Customer Discount' you're advertising?' 'Do you have a pulse?'

"Could you hold off clipping your coupons until I've finished reading the paper?"

'It's so frustrating -- all our coupons are expiring!'

Security/Savings

How to make sure he won't see his shadow.

'They've got a great deal here. When you buy one meal, I get mine half price!'

"But if we didn't measure things we wouldn't know how good we were at measuring the things that we're measuring!"

"I don't need one, Gracie. My shopping list is very simple! Things I have a coupon for and things that are on sale!"

"If only there was a thesaurus for numbers."

'Haven't they ever heard of walls around here?'

Tony Blair - EU budget.

Affordable housing

Rx. Warning: May cause sudden loss of income.

Low income vampires.

'If the 750ml and th 375ml of the '82 Beaumont are too pricey, how about their Merlot-scented auto air freshener? -- Only 99 cents.'

Looking for a way to have their cake and eat it too.

Farmers Telemarket. That's right. Beans for just $.10 a carton. Ma'am, would you like a month's worth of corn absolutely free? We'll even switch your onions for you!

Everyone waited as Allen figured out how much the meal had cost per bite.

'You've been on eBay again haven't you?'