Budget-conscious Lover Gifts

'At these prices I won't be able to say much!'

'That's what I thought, finances are tight: She's switched to no-name cat food...'

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

'You're clearly not well, just keep taking these until we run out of them.'

"No one can afford to eat us anymore."

"I always say; 'You don't need to spend a lot of money to have a good time on a first date."

Take one Per Day as Affordable.

'All I said was,two could live as cheaply as one until you gave up dieting.'

Affordable housing

'Haven't they ever heard of walls around here?'

Low income vampires.

'If the 750ml and th 375ml of the '82 Beaumont are too pricey, how about their Merlot-scented auto air freshener? -- Only 99 cents.'

Rx. Warning: May cause sudden loss of income.

A Room (with adequate light and ventilation, no psychotic neighbors, near a grocery store, in a halfway-decent building in an O.K. neighborhood [not Queens, please God] for under $2000 a month) of One's Own

'Computer Prices' blowing away you money

"Our goal is to make prices so low that even our employees could shop here."

"Our water bill is sky high. You've got to start taking shorter showers."

'We only want small portions. I'm counting my calories and he's counting his pennies.'

"You don't have to spend a lot of money to have a good time?"

"We have our round cuts and these are our budget cuts."

"Please tell me it's a local call..."

One upside-down tomato planter. I can't wait for juicy, free tomatoes. It's $23.37 with tax. Not bad for homegrown tomahtas. Plus $8 for potting soil, $15 for the hanger, $11 for organic fertilizer, $16 � Hey! � Where are you going? To the "Pick and Save" market.

The cost of Halloween.

'I've asked Santa for a tank of unleaded petrol.'

Good vision? Save Money - Tiny Type Books.

Organic or Toxic - It depends what you can afford.

'I'm looking for some pre-owned pants. Long as they fit, I don't much care whose they were.'

"Let's talk about how we're not all going to buy anything this fall."

"Your meat is too expensive. Aren't you passing your 'free range' savings onto the customer?"

The cheap skate - 'Separate checks, please.'

'As you know, medical costs have skyrocketed -- that'll be fifty cents.'

'I'm on a fixed income, so these free offers are most welcome.'

"If anyone objects to this 'cut price' wedding, let him speak now or call at weekend cheap rate."

"Nope, still can't afford to buy it."