Fearful Patient Gifts

'Where'd he go, nurse?'

"And that was just your sudoku chart."

'Who wants to be examined first?'

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'Time for your pills.'

Radiology, Cardiology and Fertility Clinic.

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

'Your test results are in - and here's a first, the Lab Techs have asked to meet you.'

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

The New Age Dentist.

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

'Do you offer transcend dental medication?'

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

"We have adult teeth now, and, as such, they demand adult pain."

'I asked you for one good reason why I should follow your advice, not six.'

Bureaucracy (Murphy's law)

'This is a pick 'n' mix ward - you choose your own medicine.'

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

'-and who's next?'

'I keep getting this RINGING in my ears!'

"You sure have a funny way of making someone feel better."

"He complains like a kid over a minor cold. He's such a groan man!"

"Your tests are back. We've ruled out anything covered by your HMO."

"The doctor will bill you now."

"Not that one...the big one on the top shelf!"

"That reminds me, I was going to get my daughter piano lessons!"

'Pick something you can tolerate from this list of side effects and I'll prescribe something appropriate.'

"This is going to be a little invasive."

'It's hard to have confidence in a doctor whose office plants don't look very healthy.'

"Health insurance? Waking up breathing each morning is my health insurance!"

"So tell me doc, what's new and exciting in pharmacology these days?".

"It doesn't actually work. But it's a great motivator for people to take better care of their teeth."

Some patients may want to know more than others.