Anxious Patient Gifts

'I believe that laughter is the best medicine. Now, if you'll bend over, Mr. Happy will perform your prostate exam.'

"Relax. I just nicked myself shaving this morning"

"Tell me if this hurts."

Dentistry jokes.

'Who wants to be examined first?'

"Have you considered spinal fusion?"

Airplane Mode.

Fear of news.

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"And that was just your sudoku chart."

'Where'd he go, nurse?'

'Do you offer transcend dental medication?'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'Tell me a little bit about yourself.'

"We have adult teeth now, and, as such, they demand adult pain."

"Is this your first time seeing a specialist?"

'I asked you for one good reason why I should follow your advice, not six.'

"Patient. . . seems. . . reluctant. . . to get his. . . prostate. . . checked. . ."

"Of course, I would suggest a shot of novacaine."

"The doctor will bill you now."

"Your tests are back. We've ruled out anything covered by your HMO."

'It's to protect me from the splattering. Now open wide.'

"Feel free to imagine you might have any of the conditions you read about in the magazines."

"Not that one...the big one on the top shelf!"

"That reminds me, I was going to get my daughter piano lessons!"

"This is going to be a little invasive."

'Apparently the drugs make me hallucinate, not that I've noticed.'

'It's just a routine operation, Mr. Bush. No need to have your lawyer present.'

The reassurer: the magazine for chronic worriers

'It's the health trusts policy to offer the patient choice, whenever possible, Mr. Lumb.'

"I'm afraid they've all got to come out Mr Wilkins."

'Martha's going to give you something now so you won't notice the drilling.'