Anxious Patient Gifts

'I believe that laughter is the best medicine. Now, if you'll bend over, Mr. Happy will perform your prostate exam.'

"Relax. I just nicked myself shaving this morning"

"Tell me if this hurts."

Dentistry jokes.

'Who wants to be examined first?'

"Have you considered spinal fusion?"

Airplane Mode.

Fear of news.

A Hypochondriac's Worst Nightmare

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"And that was just your sudoku chart."

'Where'd he go, nurse?'

'Do you offer transcend dental medication?'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'Tell me a little bit about yourself.'

"We have adult teeth now, and, as such, they demand adult pain."

'I asked you for one good reason why I should follow your advice, not six.'

"Is this your first time seeing a specialist?"

"Patient. . . seems. . . reluctant. . . to get his. . . prostate. . . checked. . ."

"Of course, I would suggest a shot of novacaine."

"The doctor will bill you now."

"Your tests are back. We've ruled out anything covered by your HMO."

"Feel free to imagine you might have any of the conditions you read about in the magazines."

'It's to protect me from the splattering. Now open wide.'

"Not that one...the big one on the top shelf!"

"That reminds me, I was going to get my daughter piano lessons!"

"This is going to be a little invasive."

'Apparently the drugs make me hallucinate, not that I've noticed.'

Insurance Co. Your right leg? Oh, dear, that's unfortunate.

'It's just a routine operation, Mr. Bush. No need to have your lawyer present.'

The reassurer: the magazine for chronic worriers

'It's the health trusts policy to offer the patient choice, whenever possible, Mr. Lumb.'

'Let me know if I hurt you.'`