Patient Ponders Gifts

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

"We need to update your entire operating system."

Waiting for Pants

"Look, if I had all the answers, would I be living alone on the top of a mountain?"

Radiology, Cardiology and Fertility Clinic.

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'

Cake Walk

'Your test results are in - and here's a first, the Lab Techs have asked to meet you.'

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

The New Age Dentist.

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

"And that was just your sudoku chart."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

'Where'd he go, nurse?'

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

'Hurry up and enjoy your life as a pensioner! Three.. Two.. One..'

'You know the rules, Mr Dotterill - you're only allowed one visitor at a time.'

The thinker.

'I asked you for one good reason why I should follow your advice, not six.'

'This is a pick 'n' mix ward - you choose your own medicine.'

'What's it all about?'

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

'All dogs have four legs. All tables have four legs. All dogs are tables."

"Your tests are back. We've ruled out anything covered by your HMO."

"The doctor will bill you now."

This is a test of their cognitive skills, and that's a test of their patience. Waiting room.

Hmmm...I wonder what "The Thinker" is thinking? Hmmm...I wonder if the "The Dancer" has more fun?

'I keep getting this RINGING in my ears!'

"You sure have a funny way of making someone feel better."

"...The sun sank slowly in the west. Time slowed down to a crawl, and there was no reason to hurry. The tortoise knew he had time to kill. Haste makes waste, he thought..."

"The imaginary people keep telling me that I'm crazy..."

The Diary

"Don't be alarmed! The Doctor's chiropractor recommended he work like this!"