Fatherhood Fueler Pillows

"Awww....someone's done a pooping in their pants. How cute?"

"I hoped you'd change your hobby when you became a father"

'You never met my father? Never mind, I'm turning into him!'

A baby playing on a grand piano

"I knew we agreed that you could be a stay-at-home dad, but that's when we decide to have children."

'Don't forget to take your tranquilizers Daddy, little Jimmy is coming round to play.'

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

Baby gets blame for father letting off a fart.

"It's different when they're your own."

"I was thinking of joining a parenting class."

'Good news dear, the doctor says we're going to have twins.'

"The head, the head! I told you, always support the baby's head!"

Baby Shower

Father's Day

"I couldn't find the off switch."

'Here's your choice. Grounded for a week or a walk around the Mall with me while I wear this.'

Fathers Saluting Each Other.

"Dad, if Mom ever has a boyfriend, I hope he's just like you."

'A rocking horse? Boy! What will they think of next?!'

'I'm begging you, please don't let me go!'

Temptation.

"Well ok....but in your case I'll need DNA proof!"

'Don't try so hard . . . I want a dad, not a homey!. . .'

"So, you see, what you were really looking for was a deeper connection with your father, and not the dentist's office down the hall."

Mix up on the maternity ward.

'I'm a house-husband.'

'I'm afraid the legislation only covers one partner.'

'With a boss, a wife and three teenaged kids, I haven't had much time to worry about international affairs.'

'I'll say this for your father, he's a great provider.'

"I'll get you a drink of water, but next time, call Dad, not room service."

'My dad was a workaholic...' 'Mine was a drunken stumbblebum.'

"Daddy has to clear his head for a few minutes before he can deal with 'Babar'."

'Settle down now and Daddy will take you for a nice ride.'

Reading the Riot Act.

Be patient, son. I started with Pluto and worked my way up, too.