Fatherhood Fueler Pillows

"Awww....someone's done a pooping in their pants. How cute?"

"I hoped you'd change your hobby when you became a father"

A baby playing on a grand piano

'You never met my father? Never mind, I'm turning into him!'

"I knew we agreed that you could be a stay-at-home dad, but that's when we decide to have children."

'Don't forget to take your tranquilizers Daddy, little Jimmy is coming round to play.'

Baby gets blame for father letting off a fart.

"I was thinking of joining a parenting class."

'Good news dear, the doctor says we're going to have twins.'

"It's different when they're your own."

Baby Shower

"The head, the head! I told you, always support the baby's head!"

Father's Day

'Here's your choice. Grounded for a week or a walk around the Mall with me while I wear this.'

"I couldn't find the off switch."

"Dad, if Mom ever has a boyfriend, I hope he's just like you."

'A rocking horse? Boy! What will they think of next?!'

Fathers Saluting Each Other.

'I'm begging you, please don't let me go!'

'Don't try so hard . . . I want a dad, not a homey!. . .'

"Well ok....but in your case I'll need DNA proof!"

Temptation.

"So, you see, what you were really looking for was a deeper connection with your father, and not the dentist's office down the hall."

Mix up on the maternity ward.

'I'm a house-husband.'

'I'm afraid the legislation only covers one partner.'

'With a boss, a wife and three teenaged kids, I haven't had much time to worry about international affairs.'

"I'll get you a drink of water, but next time, call Dad, not room service."

'My dad was a workaholic...' 'Mine was a drunken stumbblebum.'

'I'll say this for your father, he's a great provider.'

"Daddy has to clear his head for a few minutes before he can deal with 'Babar'."

'Settle down now and Daddy will take you for a nice ride.'

'Can you fix it, Daddy?'

Reading the Riot Act.