Fatherhood Explorer Pillows

'I used to enjoy being a stay-at-home dad. Then I was awarded custody of the kids.'

'In the top drawer of my desk there's a Taser. If I ever begin acting like your best friend instead of your parent, you have my permission to use it on me.'

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

A baby playing on a grand piano

"They're born into captivity, it's all they know."

"It's not often you see a sign that is both instructional and inspirational."

Kids really do make you view the world from a different perspective...I'm on the floor, behind the couch, under the bed...

Egyptian Mummy/Egyptian Mummy and Toddler.

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

'We've never had an accident - aside from three of our five kids.'

Going into the relationship, Tom knew Loretta was a package deal.

'Good news dear, the doctor says we're going to have twins.'

D-Day (Dad Day)

'There's no stigma in being brought up by apes - I was an adopted child too.'

"So far mum's put on 10 kilos. I guess that's the best passenger safety airbag I'll ever get."

"I didn't hear the full story, but you came from either the stork or ebay."

“It's a healthy baby boy. And, wow, the mouth on your wife …”

"How do you like our new smart water hose? It knows when you're dirty and hoses you off before you come into the house."

Are we going to raise her as a cat person or a dog person?

'Congratulations, you're a father. Now you'd better get out of here before her husband arrives.'

"Your baby's fussiness, whining, and general discontent isn't anything to worry about. It should clear up on its own in about 18 years."

"Well ok....but in your case I'll need DNA proof!"

'A rocking horse? Boy! What will they think of next?!'

'Don't try so hard . . . I want a dad, not a homey!. . .'

'Well, Mr. 'Let's get him a fish they're no trouble at all,' you're on.'

'I'm begging you, please don't let me go!'

'Instead of a baby sister, Dear, Daddy and I will give you your choice between kitten or puppy.'

Mom's always doing things for my own good, but it doesn't seem to rub off!

'What do you mean you're going into labor, dear? It's only Saturday. Can't you wait 'til Monday?'

"Do you think he's taking this security blanket thing a bit too seriously?"

Fathers Saluting Each Other.

"Excuse me, can you tell me where I might find the colostrum?"

This could be interesting...