Family Life Explorer Pillows

'Dad, can I play video games now and help you help me with my homework later?'

"I sent you a mother's day e-card, mom, did you get it?"

'I didn't really want a baby brother, I wanted a rabbit.'

"The Real Housewives of Real Households"

"Thanks for the birthday gift, but what will I do with a gift card to a toy store?"

'What if WE ran away from home instead?'

"Not spring cleaning again. We did that last year."

"Some overly-sensitive parents get upset when I smack the kids if they misbehave in the supermarket."

"From tomorrow you're going to live over at 114. We've outsourced your childhood."

"I'm getting a little tired of social media. He got mad at me so he said he is going to 'undad' me."

"The sitter's here, honey!"

'You flipped them out of the nest too early!'

Big book of daft names for kids.

'Well, he's the only boyfriend I didn't dump immediately. . . Stay on your toes, mister. The jury's still out.'

"You don't mind being referred to as a stay-at-home with crazy amounts of help, do you?"

'Instead of a baby sister, Dear, Daddy and I will give you your choice between kitten or puppy.'

'I can't reach between my shoulders. I'm itchally frustrated.'

"Dad's helping me with my homework. Where do we keep the aspirin?"

"Do you think he's taking this security blanket thing a bit too seriously?"

"C'mon kids! Daddy's had a long night and just wants to relax awhile and put his feet up."

"My parents are driving me crazy! I'm running away from home!"

'Perhaps we should talk about having kids'

"Excuse me, can you tell me where I might find the colostrum?"

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

'Ahhh...'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

A kangeroo and it's baby read books about understanding each other.

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

'Everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other.'

"A sentimental journey of a thousand miles begins with the first martini."

'I demand a DNA test.'

"Dear? The toothpaste is on the top shelf. Don't touch the tube on the bottom shelf, that's Grandma's triple strength epoxy denture adhesive."

"They're born into captivity, it's all they know."