Family Life Explorers Pillows

"They're born into captivity, it's all they know."

"Kids! Empty Nest blues when they leave home, empty purse blues when they don't."

'And quit referring to your room as the rehab center.'

"How do you like our new smart water hose? It knows when you're dirty and hoses you off before you come into the house."

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

Adam and Eve: Reconcilable Differences

"Use your inside scream."

"And remember, it's important to wake them up at hourly intervals."

"I became a mentor because I needed more direction in life."

'If he hasn't got a name yet, how do we know he's ours?'

"It's from the children. They'd like us to let them in."

'Don't be so sensitive,I only dozed of for a moment.'

'None of the other things had instructions.'

'Sorry, he can't come out and play. He's grounded.'

"Great, now we're lost."

"Mom, Suzy keeps coming closer than 6 feet to me."

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

'Go forth and multiply!'

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

Mrs. Almighty.

Mommy and daddy Are Always Right!

'Does it bother you that I use wadded tissues as pillows?'

'I think he's proud of his ability to be in the way in more than one room at a time.'

"Don't you think after thirty years of marriage you could stop referring to me as 'the military'?"

"Does it come with instructions?"

My changing Body: A Guide For New Fathers

'Do you realize that I spend more time out than I do in?'

"Wet wipe?"

Kids go to school and mom goes to the psychiatric clinic.

'No Jennifer! I never head of mad broccoli disease.'

'I'm afraid your child support payments will be quite substantial.'

'They're not reliable.'