Family Dynamic Explorers Pillows

'He's my wife's second cousin three times removed, but he keeps coming back.'

'You're lucky, I'm turning into my mother.'

Tax slug.

'This whole 'grandparent' thing -- it's our parents and children conspiring against us!'

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

"He takes after his father."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'Ahhh...'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

Polygamists' Picnic

A kangeroo and it's baby read books about understanding each other.

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

'I demand a DNA test.'

"Dear? The toothpaste is on the top shelf. Don't touch the tube on the bottom shelf, that's Grandma's triple strength epoxy denture adhesive."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"They're born into captivity, it's all they know."

"Papa Bear was too much, Mama Bear wasn't enough, and I always had to be just right."

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

Lady asking her fiance's son if she can be his new mother.

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

"If I ever start turning into my father do me a favor and don't turn into my mother."

"Having nannies really changes you."

"If you really loved me you wouldn't have called me Euthanasia!"

'It's funny really - when your father's home he hardly ever says a word!'

"But I brought you here so I wouldn't have to play with you."

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

"Next time, dear, ask me first before you invite a friend over for dinner."